“You may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful [spouse]. You may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?” – Talking Heads
How did I get here? I rarely ask that question, usually I ask where am I now? I could claim I ask this because I live so completely in the present, but really if I’m honest, it’s because I don’t know how I got here or where I am.
I chose an amazing partner in life and since then life just kinda kept happening. We had a daughter, finished our degrees, got married, moved across the country, bought a house and had another daughter. All in 5 years. It was a whirlwind and ever since I have struggled to find my place.
Who am I? Outside of wife, mother and friend. I have a degree in theatre and I am an artist at heart. I never expected to make money with my art. I expected to have one job to pay the bills and make art to fill my soul and other’s souls. However, while in the trenches of motherhood, housekeeping, and supporting a spouse with a demanding job, I feared I’d lost my art. Had I lost my soul?
One day I was complaining about the lack of artistic work to a friend. “I have no time to be an artist. And even if I could find the time, I don’t have the energy for the art I want to make. These kids and this house take up so much time and energy.” She kindly (actually on numerous occasions, because I was never really ready to hear this and I complain and repeat myself a lot) said “You are creating a home. You are making a culture for your girls. Your art is this house.” She is such a smart, patient friend. I finally heard her and decided to start this blog as a continuation of my artistic outlet.
I have major doubts about starting a blog, but it’s been like a song I can’t get out of my head. However, instead of a song it’s an idea. Start a blog. Document all the projects you do around the house. Share your thoughts on parenting and culture building in the home. Spill your soul in words and pictures. And make all the things.
So here I am starting my blog. Just to get that idea out of my ear.
This will primarily be a place to share the ups and downs of the many project I begin and complete. There will be DIY and tutorials. I have about a million home projects on my list and I hope with the accountability of this blog that I will finish projects quicker and more completely. I know, I know, I’m a funny gal.
But still there has to be something said about accountability. Merriamwebster.com defines it as:
the quality or state of being accountable. Especially: an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one’s actions.
And businessdictionary.com defines it as:
the obligation of an individual or organization to account for its activities, accept responsibility for them, and to disclose the results in a transparent manner.
But really when I hear it said these days I think it means, show up, do the work, and own it as your work. Which as a stay at home mom (I hate that title, but that’s a different post) I’ve been showing up and doing the work, but maybe not completely owning it. I have not been holding myself truly accountable to the job. This will also be a space to own all the emotional, creative, and physical work that goes into being the primary care giver.
So thanks for showing up in my studio space. It will be a place where I show up too. I will try and fail. And fail again. And fail better. Because that is what an art or performance space is for.
Thanks for being here.